[ Sighs ]
Where do I start?
[ Sighs ]
It's not you.
WeII, actuaIIy, it is you.
Look, I'm just not--
I'm not attracted to you any more.
I need space.
You kinda--
You kinda gross me out.
In the beginning, it was different.
In the beginning, you were better.
But then I got to know you reaI weII, and...
I-- I came to reaIize...
- that you're a fat idiot. - [ Laughing ]
[ Both Laughing ]
I got ya. I got ya.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, okay, okay. Let me try it.
-You gotta be straight. Straight face. -Okay. Okay.
- Okay. AII right. - Okay.
I want a divorce.
Why?
It's a physicaI thing.
PhysicaI?
I've been experimenting with other men IateIy.
A Iot of other men... and women.
[ Sighs ] I don't know.
I mean, Antonio can do this thing with his tongue,
and WiIIiam's stamina is amazing.
And as far as hands go, weII, your father's hands are--
[ Whooping ]
You are no match. I have no equaI.
- [ YeIIs ] - Get down here.
? If the shoe fits ?
? I want you to wear it and wear it good ?
? SuIkin' about them times when I was by myseIf ?
? I was aIways Iookin' for somebody eIse ?
? But as time went on I had a taIk with my mind ?
? Friends Iike you and you I gotta Ieave behind ?
? And I'm sayin' CaII me a fooI ?
? 'Cause you onIy rub it in ?
- ? And I'II never see you if I had known ? - ? I'II never see them again ?
? 'Cause, weII, I know the difference Just stay in my own business ?
? And I'II never, ever dump it on you ?
? Friends and enemies around me every day ?
? I can't beIieve the things they say ?
? Takin' me for granted Give me no credit at aII ?
? I'II just keep bouncin' Iike a bouncin' baII ?
?? [ VocaIizing ]
? I don't wanna step on nobody's foot but ?
?? [ VocaIizing ]
? You caII me a fooI but you onIy rub it in ?
? And I'II never see you if I had known ?
? I'II never see that again ?
? 'Cause, weII I know the difference Just stay in my own business ?
? I'II never, ever depend on you ??
[ Man Imitating Engine ]
[ Continues Imitating ]
B-B-B-Brickman's!
B-B-Brickman's Powerboats!
Get it? Brickman's seIIs powerboats.
We make the company mascot a powerboat.
What do you think?
- I Iike it. Good work, AIan. - Yes!
Zachary, you're up.
- Ladies and gentIemen, Zachary! - [ Zachary MumbIing ]
- [ Cheering ] - I haven't taken these to the focus group yet.
I'm stiII working on that part. I just wanted to Iet you know...
- these are just preIiminary sketches. - Zach.
[ CIears Throat ] Ladies and gentIemen,
introducing the new mascot for Hidy Ho Cookies--
? Daa, daa-daa-daa ?
Zippy!
[ ChuckIing ] What is it?
- Zippy. - What is Zippy?
- He's a cookie man. - He's a cookie man?
What is that, uh, on the ground behind him?
Oh, that's a traiI of chocoIate chips.
See, wherever Zippy goes, he Ieaves this magicaI traiI of chocoIate...
- for aII the boys and girIs to-- - MagicaI?
This Iooks Iike poop. It Iooks Iike piIes of poop.
It Iooks Iike Zippy's waIking around, just crapping aII over the pIace.
- It Iooks Iike-- - Those are chocoIate chips.
-Emma, what do you think it Iooks Iike? -Excrement.
Zach, Iet's just say you're about to take a big bite...
of a juicy chocoIate chip cookie.
What's the Iast image you want fIoating through your head?
- Excrement? - Excrement. Right.
Listen, I wanna go out on a Iimb here.
I'm gonna say, maybe we shouId avoid aII boweI-reIated items with this particuIar product.
- Just a hunch, you know? - I'II work up something different.
- AII right. Thanks. - [ Phone Ringing ] Nick Beam's office.
- Oh, hi, Ann. It's your wife. - Ooh, aah--
Everybody out. Big business deaI.
HeIIo.
Now we're stiII on for tonight. You stood me up twice, you know?
It's a done deaI. New York PhiIharmonic. Last night in town.
I'II be escorting the sexiest woman in the worId.
- What about me? - We'II bring ya.
[ GiggIes ] Oh, guess what?
My sister Ieft a message on the machine. She's coming in with her fiancé next Friday.
- No. Oh, wow. - Yeah!
I finaIIy get to meet the mysterious queen of the Peace Corps.
Yes, you do. Hey, can you pick 'em up?
Yeah, sure. When is it?
A week from today.
I think it'II be around 10:30. I'm not sure. I'II have to check.
P.B. wants to see you A.S.A.P.
Sorry, honey, I gotta go. There's an onsIaught of initiaIs coming at me.
- Okay. TeII him heIIo. - I wiII.
- I hate you. - Me too. Bye.
PhiIip.
Nick.
Oh, oh! Bungee jumping. Sunday.
Nick!
No, thanks, PhiIIip.
- P.B. - No, thanks, P.B.
- Nick? - P.B.?
Okay, okay. Okay, forget it.
- This guy is new. - Yeah. What do you think?
Uh, I think he Iikes me.
Niroog, the fertiIity god.
[ ChuckIes ] Boy, I Iike Iooking at this.
Handmade in the PaIaeoIithic period.
Had to sacrifice my Ides of March goId aureus in trade.
Pity. But, uh, I think worth it.
So, which one of you wanted to see me?
- CharIes McGinty is coming in at 5:00. - The CharIes McGinty?
- ''McGinty Crackers'' CharIes McGinty? Fantastic. - The very same.
Anyway, I was supposed to have dinner with McGinty tonight. I'd Iove for you to stand in.
Oh, no, uh, s-- PhiIIip, I promised Ann I wouId--
Nick. Oh, Nick. You gotta heIp me out here.
I don't get this Iucky every day.
- Look, if this is about a woman-- - You're a paI.
I gotta go.
- It just needs to be-- - Guess who just caIIed?
Ann's divorce Iawyer?
McGinty's secretary. He's rescheduIing.
- AII right! Yes! - Want me to get Ann on the Iine?
No, I'm gonna try to beat her home. I wanna surprise her.
- This is great, huh? - [ Women Laughing ]
[ EIevator Dings ]
- The wife again? - No, I just met this incredibIe brunette on the eIevator.
WeII, I'm jeaIous. What wouId I have to do to get fIowers aII the time?
- You don't get fIowers aII the time? - Nope.
That's a crime.
- [ GIass Shattering ] - [ Man Muttering ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Muttering ]
[ Muttering Continues ]
[ Bed Squeaking ]
[ Moaning ]
[ Moaning Continues ]
PhiIIip.
[ Moaning Continues ]
[ Car Horns Honking ]
Hey, asshoIe, get outta the road!
[ Honking Continues ]
? Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump ?
? I say fight You're outta the corner a day Iate, a doIIar short ?
? Friday mornings most peopIe don't get ?
?? [ Indistinct ]
? You change your Iife from Ieft to right You get your wit tracks tight ?
? Must be testing the master ?
? The under hood the underworId's under man ?
? Never mind being understood Long as we understand ?
? You can't twist transistor mixing friends ?
? SoIdiers over here don't snitch They bitch and bit ?
? AII hours whiIe the crowds peepin' in ?
?? [ Fades ]
[ ExhaIes DeepIy ]
WeIcome to heII, bitch.
Car, keys, waIIet. Now!
[ Imitating Scarface ] D'you hear what I said?
Okay. Now you Iisten, and you Iisten good.
This is a gun. Okay? Don't be fuckin' around with no gun, white boy.
HeIen KeIIer, I'm taIkin' to you.
[ Imitating Deaf Person ] I know you hear what the fuck I'm sayin'.
Boy, did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day.
- [ Engine Revving ] - Oh!
[ Car Horns Honking ]
Oh, shit.
Oh, you're trying to Iock me-- U-U-UnIock the door.
Stop, motherfucker! Stop the car!
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming Continues ]
Stop it now!
You're driving on the sidewaIk, man! PeopIe got to waIk there!
[ YeIIs ] PuII over, man!
- White boy, I said, ''PuII over''! - [ Tyres Screeching ]
- [ Screaming ] - [ Horns Honking ]
Yo, man, there's a truck.
I said, yo, man, there's a truck.
Yo, man, there's a truck right there. Stop!
What about my waIIet? You wanted to rob me, didn't you?
Yes. I distinctIy remember you wanting to rob me.
Here's my waIIet. You want it?
Here it is. Here. Here. Right out there.
What you doin', man? That was money.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I got something eIse for you. - [ Screaming ]
I'm bIind! I can't see shit.
The honeys dug my eyes. The honeys Ioved my eyes.
- [ Car Horns Honking ] - [ Screaming ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Crying ]
AII right, you win, man. AII right? Is that what you wanna hear? You win.
What the fuck?
No, you ain't one of them desert sIashers, are you?
Cut a person body up and Ieave it out in the desert in IittIe tiny pieces and shit, huh?
Oh, shit! We are in the fucking desert.
I'm in the car with a psycho, freaky, Jason hack-kiIIer motherfucker.
Hey, pIease don't kiII me, freaky Jason.
I said, pIease don't kiII me, freaky Jason.
I done fucked around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy!
- Get out. - With pIeasure.
''Sayo-fuckin'-nara,'' paI.
Oh, I can't feeI my ass.
My ass done feII asIeep.
I didn't even know an ass couId faII asIeep!
It's aII tingIy and shit!
Come on, man. You can't Ieave me out here.
Yo, man! You can't just Ieave me out here.
[ Sighs ]
Okay, I'II make a deaI with you.
You drive me home, I'II forget about this whoIe kidnapping shit.
Oh, come on.
HeIIo. You tried to rob me.
You had a gun to my head.
[ ChuckIes ] Look, I toId you the gun wasn't Ioaded.
You got yourseIf into this.
You know what you are? You're a bad person. You're an armed robber.
Don't expect me to feeI sorry for you.
Excuse me. Is there a probIem here?
- Yes. - Is this man botherin' you?
- Yes, he is. - Oh, so you're just gonna come right at the brother.
Why don't you ask if he's bothering me?
Lady, for aII you know, I couId be DenzeI Washington.
Take a good Iook.
He couId be some ceIebrity staIker.
I'm gonna have to ask you to pay for this coffee now,
'cause I've seen these things escaIate before.
No probIem.
My waIIet.
Wow!
Looks Iike the ceIebrity staIker don't have a waIIet.
Oh, weII, thank you. I wiII get your change, sir.
[ ChuckIing ]
What? You want me to thank you?
So I owe you a buck.
How was you goin' to get gas?
You don't have no money, no credit cards.
No I.D.
Shit, man.
Okay. AII right.
You give me money for gas, and I'II... take you back.
I'm cooI. I'm-- I'm straight.
As a matter of fact, I Iike it out here in the desert.
You know, you get aII sweaty and shit.
Just bubbIing off your ass.
Just-- What?
I just remembered.
I have a spare credit card in the side compartment.
[ Grunting ]
Uh-huh. Like heII!
What's up? [ ChuckIing ]
What's up, white boy? W-W-What's up, huh?
Come on, come on. What ya got?
Huh? Look at you. You done fucked around and got dropped.
[ Grunting ]
[ ChuckIing ]
[ Laughing ]
Get the fuck outta here.
- What? - You hit Iike a oIe girI, man.
Get the fuck on out of here, man. Go about your business.
[ Grunting ]
- Motherf-- - [ Grunting ]
What the heII is this, your merry-go-round move?
[ Groaning ]
- [ Grunting ] - Yo, I understand.
[ Panting, Grunting ]
Aha!
[ Groaning ]
Thank you.
[ Groaning ]
Hey. Oh, shit.
I didn't know it was expired. I never use it.
So why are you out here?
- What do you care? - I'm curious.
I'm a student of human nature.
You're a freak of human nature.
That's aII right. I forgive you.
It's cIear you have woman probIems. [ ChuckIes ]
You're way off base.
- I'm off base? - Yeah. Way off base.
- She mess around on you? - Look.
Even if I wanted to taIk about it-- which I don't-- it wouIdn't be with you.
- You give her some nastiness? - [ Sighs ]
- I know you gave her some serious nastiness. - Just forget it.
What about him? Did you fuck him up?
- [ Sighs ] - Did you whoop his ass?
I bet you hit that motherfucker with a bat, didn't ya?
KIing! Pow! Fucked his ass up, didn't ya?
No, wait a minute. You capped him.
You capped that motherfucker, didn't you?
That's why you out here in the desert, ain't ya?
Look. I didn't shoot him. I didn't say anything to my wife. I just Ieft.
- What do you mean, you just Ieft? - Just Ieft.
I-I saw them doing... you know,
and I... waIked away.
What a pussy.
No wonder your woman is sneaking behind your back, man.
Know what your probIem is? You don't have the respect of your woman, man.
That's what it is. Me, I got aII that.
I go home, my dinner's on the tabIe.
Bam! I don't wanna hear shit, woman.
And if I want Iovin'-- if I'm in the mood-- I get that too.
You're so fuII of shit. What wouId you have done?
I'd have went back to that house and puIIed a Terminator on the front door.
Boom, boom, boom! Who the fuck do you think you're pIayin' with, woman?
Who do you think I am, some fruity pie? I ain't no fruity pie.
I'm-- I'm Nick Beam.
That's what I toId her. I'm Nick Beam.
And Nick Beam ain't puttin' up with that buIIshit.
She'd have been crying, you know? ''Oh, Nick, pIease take me back.
PIease, pIease, Nick. It was onIy one time.''
I'm gonna ''one time'' your ass.
Nick Beam is the master of his fate, the ruIer of his destiny.
So if you wanna cry on somebody's shouIder,
why don't you cry on Superdick?
As for Nick Beam, I'm fit, Iit,
and I damn sure ain't takin' no shit.
So you can get the fuck out.
That's what I'd 'a toId the bitch.
That's what I toId the bitch. [ ChuckIes ]
What the--
[ Man ] Hey, hoId it. HoId it. Break it up. Break it up.
ShouId I pay cash, or do you wanna use your credit card?
[ Laughing ]
[ Pump Dings ]
Ah, fu-- Oh-- Ah-- Oh, shit.
Put the money in the bag.
Put the money in the fuckin' bag!
- Shit. - Let's go!
Shit.
You weren't gonna Ieave without me, were you?
-What do you think you're doing? -There's a speciaI they got goin'.
You get a free stack of cash with every fiII-up. Some Iuck, huh?
- How stupid can you be? - [ SIams Phone ]
- We better get out of here. - You take that money back.
- [ Cocks RifIe ] - I'm serious, man. We better get goin'.
We'II get going as soon as you bring back that money.
- I'm not buIIshittin'! Move out! - I'm not going anywhere untiI--
- [ GIass Shattering ] - Here we go.
?? [ Stereo: Country ]
[ Nick ] Why? Why?
- Why? - I didn't have any money, man.
- Oh, you had money. - No. That five doIIars I gave the waitress was it.
- What the-- - [ Gasps ]
Oh, great. Buford's come to kiII us.
- [ ChuckIing ] - [ Truck Horn Honking ]
- Persistent hiIIbiIIy motherfucker. - He has every right to be.
You robbed him... at gunpoint. You dick!
Hey, hey, you're the one who threw the waIIet out the fuckin' window.
[ ChuckIes ] Smart.
- [ PoIice Siren WaiIing ] - Great.
- ?? [ Continues ] - Oh, shit.
- AII right, man. What you doin'? - Come on, asshoIe.
WeII, wouId you Iook at these crazy sons o' bitches?
Oh, shit. We gonna die. PuII off the fuckin' road.
PuII off the fuckin' road!
Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit! - Oh, shit.
Hey, EarI.
Oh, sh--
I'm aIive! You aIive!
How'd you know that hiIIbiIIy was gonna turn first?
You did know he was gonna turn first, didn't ya?
[ ChuckIes ] You know what?
It don't even matter. I'm aIive!
You aIive, man!
- Get out! - What?
Get out!
It's not even Ioaded, remember?
[ Grunts ]
What are you even thinking when you do something Iike that?
- You think you're never gonna get caught? - We didn't get caught.
That's not the point. It's beetIeheaded.
It's onIy a matter of time before you do get caught.
What is ''beetIeheaded''?
It's a synonym for ''stupid.''
Oh. WeII, here's a synonym for ''procreation.'' Fuck you!
It's easy for you to point the finger...
when you're sittin' on your rich ass in a big fuckin' house.
- I'm not rich. - Oh, yeah?
- How big's your TV? - What?
- I say, how big's your TV? - Fifty-inch.
- Get in the car. - Oh, pIease. Let's not make this a sociaI issue.
The point is that even if you wanted to rob a pIace, there are smarter ways to do it.
- EnIighten me. - A mask. Wear a mask.
You see, the poIice have this thing caIIed a ''Iine-up,''
and if someone recognizes you, you go to jaiI!
Oh, how about this for a noveI idea? Case the pIace first.
Find out if there's a security camera or a hidden aIarm.
Then again, why even rob a convenience store?
How much money couId you possibIy get? Two, three hundred doIIars?
Then what? You're set for two days! Wow!
- What do you know, Ianky? - I know you go for the big score.
One robbery, you're set.
News fIash, big sIim.
PeopIe with big money, they protect it.
So you do a IittIe research. Take QuaIity Design Group, where I work.
My boss keeps a ton of cash in his vauIt.
At night, there's onIy two guards and a personaI security system.
Now, in this case, I happen to even know the code.
But even if I didn't, I--
What?
I got a booger in my nose?
What?
[ Imitating PhiIIip ] Diversify.
You can't trust banks, Nick.
The entire system couId crumbIe at any second.
That bastard's so heaviIy Ieveraged, it wouId wipe him out.
Wait a minute. Am I hearing you right?
Mr ''High and Mighty'' is gonna rob his boss?
You hear that, giIa monsters?
OId Nick Beam here is gonna rob his boss!
I say, do you hear that, giIa monsters?
You know what, Nick? Your wife reaIIy messed your head up bad, man.
You're serious?
How much he got?
OnIy the buIk of his personaI assets.
Six, seven hundred thousand.
You what?
- Hey, you gonna need some heIp. - Oh, no, this has nothing to do with you.
Hey, I was present at the time of creative inspiration,
which entitIes me to partiaI ownership...
in this criminaIistic endeavour.
[ Scoffs ] Get out.
Maybe I'II just caII QuaIity Design Group when we get back.
[ ChuckIes ] I want haIf.
We're gonna bury this asshoIe.
- Sure, you're right. - [ Engine Starts ]
? If you ever pIan ?
? To motor West ?
? TraveI my way Take the highway ?
? That's the best ?
? Come on Get your kicks ?
? On Route Sixty-- ?
[ Zips Zipper ]
- [ CIoses Car Door ] - ? Six ?
? WeII, it winds from Chicago ?
? To L.A. ?
? More than 2,000 miIes ??
[ Phones Ringing ]
- Highway shooters? - One bIack, one white. You teII me?
You were there, and they got away?
They were driving a 1996 Yukon.
- [ Ringing Continues ] - Licence?
You know, if I had a Iicence number, Bart, I wouIdn't be standing here...
- eating Iarge quantities of shit, now, wouId I? - No, sir.
Monitor caIIs on both sides of the border. Fax that photo to every precinct on the pIanet.
There's so much as a sneeze out there,
I wanna feeI the mist.
[ Phone Ringing ]
? I hear a voice ?
- Give me aII your money and a Yoo Hoo. - The money's aII Iocked up.
That'II be 79 cents, pIease. [ Laughing ]
? I said Come on, IittIe prisoner ?
? I got something to say ??
- ?? [ Stereo: Rap ] - [ Sniffing ]
[ Grunting ]
Something stinks, man.
You sure you ain't got a gas Ieak?
It's my shoes.
Your shoes?
You ever heard of Dr SchoII's?
I spiIIed some gas on my shoes at the gas station.
You know, the one you robbed.
- So you got a camcorder up in here. - What are you doing?
I'm just checkin' it out, man.
- Put it down. - I ain't gonna break it, man.
Just Iet me check it out. Just Iet me see.
Yo, this is your wife?
Man, I see why you were upset.
Not bad, Nick. Not bad, Nick.
I mean, you know, for a cheatin' bitch.
Look, don't you caII her that.
You don't know her. Don't caII her that.
Okay. No disrespect. Okay?
What shouId I caII her?
MonogamousIy chaIIenged?
- [ Laughing ] - God.
I'm just fuckin' with you, man.
You know, this is an aII right camera for a reguIar eight.
- It's the best on the market. - Let me expIain something to you.
If you ain't got digitaI, you ain't got shit.
This has onIy got one C.C.D. chip.
Broadcast has three, Nick.
Don't Iook at me Iike that. What, are you surprised I know shit?
The guy that soId me that camera just set up our computer network.
- Windows NT? - No. Just Windows.
- Man, get out of here with that shit. - Look, here's a nutty idea.
If you actuaIIy know something about this stuff,
why not use that knowIedge and get a job?
Take a good Iook at me.
- I'm not exactIy the corporate coIour. - That's ridicuIous.
- If you wanted a job, you couId have one. - There's a spider on your head.
- What? - There's a spider on your head.
Look, I am sorry. I am not up on aII this jive-taIkin', homeboy Iingo.
What's that supposed to mean, there's a spider on your head?
It means: There's a spider on your motherfuckin' head, man.
WeII, get it off! Get it off, get it off!
- I ain't touchin' that shit. - Get it off!
Get it off, get it off, get if off, get if off!
- Get it off! - Yo, that's a big fuckin' spider, man.
- [ Screaming ] - Oh, shit!
[ Screaming Continues ]
?? [ Man Scatting ]
- ?? [ Scatting Continues ] - Nick, it's just a spider.
? I'm a scat man ?
No, no. Now don't go crazy. [ Laughing ]
- Yeah, you go, boy. - ? I'm a scat man ?
HoId on, Iet me focus. Let me focus on this shit.
- [ ChuckIing ] - ? I'm a scat man ?
- Oh, shit. - ?? [ Scatting Continues ]
[ Laughing ]
You got the hot foot! Yo, Nick!
Get on the good foot. Get on--
[ Grunting ]
- [ Music Stops ] - Aw, got it!
[ GiggIing ]
[ ExhaIes ]
[ StifIed Laughter ]
? I'm a scat man ?
?? [ Man Scatting ]
? I'm a scat man ?
?? [ Continues ]
I gotta make a caII. You pump.
- Give me the gun. - What?
Gimme the gun.
Man, I wasn't gonna rob the pIace, man.
Then you won't need this.
[ Imitating Nick ] Then you won't need this.
You must be reaIIy fast.
Twenty doIIars on pump number 15...
and a sour fruity twist.
- You a cop? - No.
You bastards have tried this too many times!
- Oh, Iisten-- - Shut up!
- I wasn't gonna-- - Shut up.
- [ Ringing ] - County Sheriff's Station.
HeIIo, heIIo.
- Uh-- - Yes, may I heIp you?
That show, Cops,
I Iove it.
Have you ever had a reaIIy bad day?
I'm havin' one right now.
Now, Iook, baby, I toId you I'II be home Iater.
Now, this guy say he got a job for me payin' big money.
Okay, now, pIease, don't argue with me. Not now. AII right?
I'II see you Iater. Okay.
[ Sighs ]
Oh, oh. Oh.
Now aII I want's $20 on pump number 15 and a sour fruity twist.
- Now is that too much to ask? - No, sir.
- Do you mind if I take your gun? - No, sir.
WouId you pIease rip the phone cord out of the waII?
- What? - WouId you rip the phone cord out of the waII, pIease?
Thank you.
This is for the phone and for the gun and for the sour fruity twist.
And $20 on pump number 15. Go on.
- Thank you for your patience. - Yes, sir.
[ Machine Beeping ]
Let me get this straight.
It's aII right for you to rob a pIace, but it ain't aII right for me?
- I didn't rob him. - [ Scoffs ]
WeII, you got a funny way of not robbin' a motherfucker.
Nick, Iet's get out of here, man, before he caIIs the cops.
- He's not gonna caII the cops. - How do you know?
I had him rip the phone cord out of the waII.
Oh, shoot. That's pretty good.
And you got his gun?
Not bad, NichoIas. Not bad.
?? [ Car Stereo: CIassicaI ]
?? [ Humming ]
CharIie, this shit's depressing the shit out of me.
- It's makin' me sad. - What?
Oh, come on, man. This shit is the shit.
- This is the shit. It's supposed to make you sad. - It's grim.
Oh, man, come on. This is the shit.
This shit is the shit. This is the heIIified Iove music.
I'm in bad shape over here.
You know, maybe I can tune you in... to a nice A.M. station...
and get you some Donny Osmond.
[ ChuckIing ]
- CharIie, what's this? SIow down. - Get the fuck out of here.
PuII over and turn the headIights off.
Yo, man, you couId've gotten me a piece of Iiquorice.
- It's sour. - So.
StiII couId've gotten me a piece.
- I didn't think of it. - Oh, you didn't think of it.
Just seIfish, man. Guess that's the worId.
- You know? You just-- You just seIfish. - Here.
[ Gagging ]
Damn.
I swear, white peopIe must got totaIIy different taste buds, man.
That's a very racist thing to say.
Oh, yeah? Good.
[ ChuckIing ]
- [ Car Hits Bumper ] - What the f--
Whoa, they're rammin' us.
Thanks for the Iate-breakin' news. Step on the gas, Nick!
[ Laughing ] I hate new cars.
- [ Tyres Screeching ] - Whoa!
Look at his face, man. [ Laughing ]
- [ MumbIing ] - [ Laughing Continues ]
- Our turf, baby. - [ Moans ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Groaning ]
They don't Iook Iike cops.
DefiniteIy not cops.
Get out of the car.
There you go.
AII right, motherfuckers, back the fuck off!
[ Cocking Guns ]
Oh, shit. [ ChuckIing ] It's cooI.
[ ChuckIing Continues ]
Oh, yeah, I'm cooI. We cooI.
I was just fuckin' with y'aII, man.
Hey, what's up? Y'aII Iive around here?
Bring your ass around the front of the car.
Come on, baby, Come on, baby. There you go.
There you go.
- AII right. Okay. Oh, shit. - Uh-huh. Watch your feet.
Come on, rubber Iegs. Let's go. Watch where you're waIkin'.
Watch your feet. There you go, baby.
Perhaps you two haven't heard that my partner and I here...
own the rights to aII vioIent crime on this particuIar stretch of highway.
And we don't take kindIy to any unauthorized criminaI activities.
You don't understand. We were--
- Oh, shit. - That's my car.
- Can I have your attention, pIease? - Yeah.
I bet you used to seII more GirI Scout cookies...
than any other member of the whoIe troop, didn't ya?
What were you caIIing yourseIf back then?
YoIanda, you IittIe bitch?
Cynthia? Susan? What was it? I can't remember.
- Guys, I wiII be gentIe. Don't even worry about it. - Huh?
- Now-- Now, don't even worry. - [ Grunting ]
- Uh-huh. - [ Grunting ]
I have these.
Oh, now that's not gonna be enough.
Where'd you put your booty? [ Laughing ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Laughing ]
Now I've done it.
I finaIIy found someone I Iike Iess than you.
Shit. That's a fancy case, friend.
You know, when a sweet-mouthed girI Iike you has a fancy case Iike this,
a man gets to thinkin'... where's the waIIet?
That's it. We're dead, man.
I'm gonna need that waIIet, AIice.
Where's that big, fat waIIet? Give it to me.
Give me your fuckin' waIIet, you IittIe bitch.
- You know what? - Nick, Nick, what you doin'?
I'm sure you're a reaIIy scary guy.
I'm sure that, normaIIy, peopIe just quiver...
at the very sound of your voice.
But, you see, I can't see that right now.
I-I-I just see...
a weak, desperate IittIe man...
that probabIy grew up torturing IittIe animaIs.
Some puny, IittIe uncoordinated...
can't-make-the-footbaII-team- so-I'II-pick-on-third-graders- and-steaI-their-Iunch-money...
punk, jerk-off, buIIy...
that one day wakes up and reaIizes he's nothing.
Just a sad, pathetic, useIess, iIIiterate piece of inbred shit.
I just want you to know, I totaIIy disagree.
[ ChuckIing SarcasticaIIy ]
Time to die.
That just makes you my best friend.
AII right, drop the fuckin' gun.
Drop the fuckin' gun!
Give me this, motherfucker.
Now back the fuck up before I kick in your bitch-ass chin.
Back the fuck up! I said, back the fuck up!
Didn't I say, back the fuck up? Everybody, back the fuck up.
- [ Gasps ] - Oh!
Shit.
- You shot me. - I'm sorry, Nick.
- Put down the gun. - Shut up.
- You shot me. - I said, I'm sorry, man. I-I didn't mean it.
The gun just went off.
You know, I have that same troubIe in bed.
WeII, rareIy. Every once in a great whiIe.
- Put down that gun, you idiot. - WouId you shut up? I'm shot here.
You shut the fuck up. Who the heII do you think you are?
- You shut the fuck up! You shut the fuck up! - Look at yourseIf.
- Man, you shut the fuck up. - You shut the fuck up.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Put that fucking gun down before you take a toe hit.
- You shut the fuck up! - I don't give a shit! - Shut the fuck up!
- Shut the fuck up, man! - Shut the fuck up! - Hey, hey, hey!
Hey! Everybody, shut the fuck up!
Now, everybody, shut the fuck up!
EspeciaIIy you. Shut the fuck up.
You Iike GirI Scout cookies? Come here. Come here.
You want cookie? Here's a cookie.
Now back the fuck up Iike I done toId you two dumb-ass mother--
Back up, back up.
- [ Hissing ] - [ Grunting ]
Get in the car, Nick! Look at you now.
[ Grunting ]
That's good.
Bye, cowboys! [ ChuckIes ]
- [ Gasping ] - Nick.
Why the heII you start up with that guy, man?
- You shot me. - I'm sorry.
You don't say you're sorry when you shoot someone.
You say you're sorry when you step on someone's toe,
or you accidentaIIy break their gIasses,
or you fart whiIe they're eating.
You don't say you're sorry when you shoot someone.
- Shit. - [ Gasping ]
Oh, my God. It's going numb. It's going numb. It's going numb.
- What? - [ Gasping ]
- Shit. - [ Gasping Continues ]
Oh, my God!
Nick, that's the most hideous thing I ever seen.
Hey, yo, man, you know, maybe if you wrap your arm in ice,
they can reattach it.
[ Laughing ]
That's funny, man.
- That's a baby gash. - Shut up.
But it's a baby gash.
It couId've been a Iot worse. It couId've been a Iot worse.
- It couId've been, but it wasn't. - What are you thinking, shooting?
Look, just caIm down, aII right?
You're gonna upset your wound. [ ChuckIes ]
[ ChuckIing Continues ]
Yeah. Do you foIks want a Iift somewhere?
- Where you from? - London.
- Me too! - ReaIIy?
- Yeah! - That's terrific.
Hop in me car. Let's go then. Come on. Jump in. Let's go.
- Oh, this is great. - [ CharIie ] Hey, wouId you scoot over a smidgen?
- [ Grunting ] - [ Laughing ]
Sorry about that. Cheers, mate.
[ Laughing ]
Nick Beam.
- Where we headed? - L.A.
[ Laughing ] City of AngeIs.
So where you pIan on stayin' tonight?
- I'II just sIeep in the car. - Yeah, right.
You can stay at my pIace, man.
Thanks. WeII, just for the night.
What? Did you think I was asking you to move in?
- No, I was just sayin'-- - PIease, Mr Beam.
- Stay with me forever. - Just shut up.
- Mr Beam. - Shut up.
- Mr Beam, Mr Beam, Mr Beam. - You know how to shut up?
- Mr Beam. - Is it in your vocabuIary?
- Stay with me forever, Mr Beam. - Do you ever shut up?
WiII you stay with me forever, Mr Beam?
[ Panting ]
Look here.
When you meet my wife, she don't know nothin' about my sideIine gig.
You mean she doesn't know you're a thief?
I'm not a thief, okay?
I just dabbIe in future used goods.
- WeII, what does she think you do aII day? - Look for work, man.
Maybe if you did Iook for work, you wouIdn't have to steaI.
[ ChuckIes ] Don't judge me.
[ Scoffs ]
[ Whispers ] You stepped on my shoe.
I don't usuaIIy get in this Iate.
[ Sighs ] Baby, am I gIad to see you.
No, no, no. No, taIk to me. ExpIain this to me now.
I got mugged.
- Okay, I didn't get mugged. - I got mugged.
- I got mugged. He got beat up. - Thank--
Remember how I was teIIin' you I had a job interview?
Baby, that's him. He right there.
That's the pIayer right there.
My name's Nick. Nick Beam. Nice to meet you.
When are you gonna stop gettin' into troubIe, Terrance?
- Terrance? - ''T.''
Okay? My friends caII me ''T.'' You can kiss my ass. Boo!
- Okay, Terrance. - Oh, Mama.
PIease go on back to bed, Mama.
What kind of man stays out tiII 2:30 in the morning,
then comes back Iookin' Iike a bruised turd?
- Mama, I ain't-- - Don't you taIk back.
Don't taIk back to your mother. [ Gasping ]
- [ ChuckIing ] - [ Stammering ] W-- What-- What'd I do?
You got that sIap 'cause you with him.
- And I know you're part of whatever badness he's into. - Mama, enough.
You got some expIainin' to do in the morning, Mr GentIeman.
- Now you think on that. - Oof.
[ Whimpering ]
Why do you keep on smackin' me, Mama?
- Okay. - [ Gasping ]
[ ChuckIes ] Shh.
No, go ahead. Go ahead. [ GuIps ]
- Okay. - Oh.
[ ChuckIes ]
Now you come here.
Mama didn't have to smack me three times.
- [ ChuckIing ] - [ Gunfire ]
- We gotta move out of here. - I know.
I know.
I heard gunshots.
[ T. ] Hey there.
Hey, what you doing up this Iate, huh?
Huh? What's up? What are you doing up this Iate?
Oh, honey, we woke you.
Now Iook, don't worry. Give Daddy a kiss.
Don't worry. I ain't gonna Iet nothin' happen to y'aII.
- You know that, right? - What happened to your face?
No, I'm cooI, IittIe man.
Hey, you do your homework?
- Yes, sir. - I said, did you do your homework?
- Hmm? Hmm? - Y-- Yes, sir.
- What about you, IittIe miss? Did you do aII your homework? - I don't have any homework.
You don't have no homework?
AII right, time to go back to bed. Let's go.
? Hut-two-three-four Make a right at the right door ?
? Make your choice 'cause you got to grow up to be successfuI ??
I hope this isn't an inconvenience for you.
Not at aII. You seem Iike a nice man.
Terrance can use a few of those in his Iife.
- Good night. - Good night.
Thanks.
- Hey. - Mm.
Mmm. Mmm.
[ Sighs ]
[ Moaning PIeasurabIy ]
[ Laughing ]
You know, I never noticed before, but you got reaIIy nice eyes.
- Shut up! - But you do.
Let's get this over with. I can't beIieve it.
- I'm committing armed robbery for two fIashIights. - Don't worry about it.
Let's go.
Freeze, motherfucker!
You move your ass so much as an inch, I'II bIow it off!
You hear me, motherfucker?
- Hey. - You hear me? What?
- Why you acting so mean? - Hey, Iook, man. Now ain't the fuckin' time, aII right?
- You say scary shit, it scares 'em. - Yeah, but you have a gun.
PIus, what you're doing is a stereotypicaI robber thing.
I mean, it's a Iot scarier if someone with a gun is caIm and cooI and coIIected, man.
That's buIIshit, man. Don't--
Excuse me, sir.
Come here.
Now, Iook, Henry,
we're gonna take some things outta here,
and you're just gonna stand there.
You got a probIem with that?
No.
Good.
Now, honestIy, which one did you think was scarier?
- HonestIy? - Mm-hmm.
- He was scarier. - [ Laughs ]
ReaIIy? You didn't find what he did contrived?
No. It was scary.
WeII, what part?
WeII, the, uh... ''Freeze, motherfucker'' part was scary.
And then he Ied me to beIieve that if I moved my ass,
it might be bIown off.
[ Sighs ]
You were scary too.
Oh, come on. You're just saying that. You don't have to Iie.
No, I'm not. I thought you were very scary.
- ReaIIy? - Yeah.
- WeII, thank you, Henry. - Yo, check it out.
They're fIashIights with A.M./F.M. radio on it.
They aII that. You can Iisten to your music whiIe the Iight's on, boy.
AII right, aII right!
- Come on. - [ BeII On Door Rings ]
Freeze, sucker-bitch!
That was much better.
Thank you, Henry. See ya Iater now.
What the heII is ''sucker-bitch''?
[ EIectricaI Buzzing ]
?? [ Techno ]
[ Man With Deep Voice ] ? I wanna Iive in the jungIe ?
? Where you don't got to wear no cIothes ?
? And they got no boutiques ?
? Nothin' chic ?
? In the jungIe they don't have no disco ??
[ CharIie ] Yo, yo, Rig!
Hey, yo, Rig!
Yeah, come on over here and meet Ginger and Mary Ann.
Ow! God! [ Grunts ]
CharIie, we gotta go!
? Go, go, go go, go, go ?
- ? Break, break ? - ? Go, go, go go, go, go ??
- Hey, Nick, what fIoor is it on? - Fifteenth.
- What fifteenth? - Come on.
Why can't we just use the eIevator?
- 'Cause there's a guard that patroIs the buiIding. - This is buIIshit!
Come on, man. It's Saturday night. They're not gonna be there anyway.
I know we're gonna go back Monday and get him. I just wanna check it out.
Take a Ieft here, wiII you?
You seriousIy busted up my party. You know that.
Those girIs were attracted to you. Christ's sake, they're onIy human.
- You're a handsome man. We wiII go back. - I'II hoId you to that.
- Okay. Mm-hmm. - What's the matter with you?
[ Laughing ] You sharp.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- [ Panting ] - [ CIanging ]
- [ Grunts, Panting ] - Beat you.
- I carried the damn bag. - I stiII beat you.
Beat me at what? CIimbing steps?
Guess we'II caII you the ''Step King.''
Oh, shit.
No probIem. I know the code.
- What? - Come on. Come on.
Shit!
That asshoIe must've changed the code.
Step aside. Let me take a Iook. Let me take a Iook.
Okay, Iet me Iook. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- What are you gonna do? - You got 12 possibIe stations. You're onIy using seven.
I'm gonna make the other five stations active, run a test mode...
and force the system into rotation.
What does that mean?
[ Beeping ]
We got five minutes.
Here. Put on your mask.
Is that mask sweaty? I think that's the one I hid behind my baIIs.
- [ ChuckIes ] - [ Grunts ]
AII right.
- Yeah, aII right. - AII right, aII right.
Ooh, yeah. Let's go. We got three minutes. Let's go.
- Lookin' good. - Yeah.
Put the money in there. Let's go. AII right. Let's go.
Here we go. Money. [ Laughs ] Money.
Let's go. Mask, mask.
Let's go, baby. Let's go, baby. Let's go!
What the heII are you doin'? Nick?
Okay, that's reaI cIever, Nick. Let's go.
Come on, man.
Ah.
This is very nice. It's very nice. It's very nice.
Oh. I don't think I've ever seen a more beautifuI piece of shit.
Nick. [ Grunts ]
Very nice. Very nice. Very nice.
Aaah!
Yeah!
That's great. That's great. You done cut the dick off a statue.
How's it feeI, PhiIIip?
You had it aII, but it wasn't enough for you. You had to mess with me.
[ Whispering ] Nobody messes with Nick Beam.
Ooh.
[ EIevator BeII Dings ]
?? [ Rock 'N' RoII ]
? I feeI Iucky ?
? I just feeI that way ?
? I'm on a bus to AtIantic City ?
? Later on today ?
-Your face, man. You showed your face. -It doesn't matter.
It does matter. They catch you, they catch me. It damn weII matters!
- [ EIevator BeII Dings ] - ? I'm a winner ?
Hey, man, Iook at me. Look at me, man. I'm not goin' down for this shit.
? And now I know ?
? Why I've been sent ??
Hmm.
?? [ Radio: Rap ]
? LittIe rump shaker She can reaIIy shake and bake ?
- ? She's got skiIIs ? - [ Grunts ]
- ? Watch her sIippin' and a sIidin' ? - Here!
- ? Makin' booty Ieft to right ? - Here!
? She's got skiIIs ??
[ Radio Stops ]
Hmm. The aIarm must've been set.
?? [ Radio: Static Humming ]
[ Stations RapidIy Changing ]
?? [ IndustriaI ]
?? [ VoIume Increasing ]
[ Man On Radio: Distorted ] ? Addressing the groove I see you're drinkin' again ?
? You're smokin' smack inside your cigarettes and Iookin' paIe and thin ?
? It's a shame ?
? It's a pity in New York City ?
? WeII ?
? WeII, weII, weII weII, weII ?
? Something has changed ?
? The way these peopIe think ??
?? [ Romantic MeIody ]
[ Man On Radio In High Voice ] ? Hey there, IoneIy girI ?
? LoneIy girI ?
? Let me make your broken heart Iike new ?
- Oh, shit. - ? Hey there, IoneIy-- ??
White peopIe.
[ Laughing ] Our dates.
[ T., Nick Laughing ]
Oh!
- Oh. Ohh, shit. - [ ChuckIes ]
Oh-ho-ho. Look at this, man!
Mama-say, mama-sa, makusa! Oh, smack me two times!
CaIm down. [ ChuckIes ]
My son is going to the best schooIs.
My daughter, she ain't even gonna know what a food stamp is.
My wife, we goin' out aII the time. [ ChuckIes ]
AII the time!
What's wrong with you, man?
Nothing.
You sweatin' that buIIshit, ain't you? You did what you had to do to that guy, man.
Don't worry about it, aII right? Put that shit behind you. Where you goin'?
Where you goin'? Where you goin'?
I'm just gonna-- I'm just gonna take a waIk.
AII right. WeII, hurry back.
I got wiIIpower, but I don't know how much.
[ ChuckIes ] You know what I'm sayin'? Yeah.
? There is somethin' ?
? On your mind ?
? By the way you Iook at me ?
? There is somethin' ?
? On your mind, honey ?
Did you ever do somethin' that you thought wouId make you feeI great?
In a weird way, you aImost feeI worse.
Revenge, huh? Some things hurt no matter what.
That must be a fact of Iife.
- ? And what you're thinkin' ? - [ DanieIIe ] Hi!
Hi! [ ChuckIes ] Nick.
I can't beIieve it. What are you doin' here? [ GiggIes ]
- DanieIIe. - Oops.
- I don't know what I'm doin' here. - [ ChuckIes ]
- What are you doin' here? - SheiIa, my best friend-- WeII, she used to be my best friend.
I guess, technicaIIy, Marcy wouId be my best friend.
I mean, they both think they're my best friend, which is okay by me.
But once I did have this nightmare where SheiIa and Marcy are sitting next to each other,
and this Eskimo guy comes over and says, ''Pick.''
I thought I was gonna die. I mean, an Eskimo guy. What is that aII about?
- [ ChuckIes ] - Anyway, SheiIa's visiting and she's staying here.
So I thought I'd take her to a party and show her a good time.
And she meets this guy and goes home with him instead. And, oh, weII.
You reaIIy Iook good.
You Iook-- You Iook good too.
- Thank you. - Do you want... a drink?
Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure. [ GiggIes ]
You know, I'm such a kIutz.
I spiIIed beer aII over my dress earIier.
And, weII, I think it's stained. Did it stain, Nick?
I have SheiIa's room key. You wanna come up?
- ? Let's get hot ? - ? Oh, yes, it's Iadies' night ?
? And the vibes is right ?
- ? Oh, yes, it's Iadies' night Oh, what a night ? - ? Oh, what a night ?
? Oh, yes, it's Iadies' night and the feeIing's right ?
- ? Oh, yes, it's Iadies' night Oh, what a night ? - ? Oh, what a night ??
[ EIevator BeII Dings ]
[ Muttering ]
- [ Knocking ] - Nick, Nick, use your key, man.
[ Knocking Continues ]
AII right. AII right, Nick. Damn!
- Hey, Nick, why didn't you just use your key? - Turn your bed down?
[ Laughing ]
Stay. [ GiggIes ]
?? [ Hip Hop ]
[ GiggIes ]
? The Iady is Iookin' good ?
- ? Just Iike the Iady shouId ? - ? Just Iike the Iady shouId ?
I've been thinking about this for so Iong. I want you so bad.
I just wanted to make her happy.
This is gonna be a night that you won't forget.
I try to forget, but I can't.
Give it to me, Nick.
Give! That's aII I did, was give.
[ MuffIed Moaning ]
[ Crying ]
Nick? Nick, you're reaIIy putting a damper on the mood here.
I'm sorry. I'm--
DanieIIe, I can't. I just can't.
- [ Groans ] - ? I just wanna make you mine ?
? We'II be together tiII the end of time ??
Hey, Kareem. Are you aware that CharIie and I...
had intended to come up here and cap your punk ass?
And your girIfriend Nick.
But, shit, you two muffins did such an outstanding job with this financing,
[ Laughing ] who couId think about kiIIing at a time Iike this?
Thanks. Your approvaI means a Iot.
- Did I teII you to speak? Did I teII you to speak? - CharIie... no.
That's gonna be too Ioud.
[ Whispering ] Too Ioud.
[ DiaI Tone Humming ]
[ Sighs ]
- [ Ringing ] - HeIIo?
- Hi.
Oh, my God! Nick, is that you? Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Oh, thank God! I didn't know if, if you--
I thought that-- You're not hurt?
- No. - Oh, thank God! Where are you?
Look, Ann, Iet's not make this harder than it has to be.
I saw you.
- What? - I saw you.
- I know. - Saw me what? What are you taIking about?
Come on. Do you have to do this? You and PhiIIip.
- What about him? - You're denying it. She's denying it.
I don't beIieve this. Friday afternoon. Remember?
WeII, guess what. I came home earIy. I saw you, Ann.
- I was there. - Oh.
Oh, no.
Yeah. Oh, no.
Nick, I was stiII at work Friday afternoon.
At work? WeII, your cIone was at home screwing my boss.
Nick, it was my sister.
Remember I toId you she was coming next Friday with her fiancé?
WeII, I made a mistake. It was this Friday. They caIIed from the airport.
I toId them about the key in the pIanter. I caIIed, but you'd aIready Ieft the office.
So I Ieft you a message on the machine at home.
What about-- What about the cuff Iinks? PhiIIip's cuff Iinks were on the sink.
Honey, they've been in the dresser since the Christmas party.
I Ieft them on the counter so you'd finaIIy remember to bring them to him.
So you're not having an affair?
[ Laughs ] No, you dick!
You stiII Iove me?
More than anything in the worId.
You-- You wouIdn't beIieve what I've been through.
[ ChuckIing ] You're gonna Iaugh, but I actuaIIy--
Shit.
- What's the matter? What's wrong? - Shit!
- What's the matter? What? - Shit!
[ Shouting ] Shit! Shit!
- Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. - [ EIevator BeII Dings ]
[ Chattering ]
Going down.
- Don't touch it. - Oh, man.
- [ Panting ] - Oh, man.
[ Grunting ]
I think I can open the door and catch the sheet.
- Don't touch the sheet, pIease. - No, no.
- No, don't move. Don't move. - Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I done moved the hand.
I don't think you shouId be moving right now. I think you're moving.
- CaII the paramedics. Listen to me. - AII right.
Get them here as fast as you can!
Have them meet me with a gurney.
- Wait. Let me practice. - Let you practice?
I'm hangin' on a fuckin' Iedge, man. [ Crying ]
- I don't wanna die Iike this, Nick. - AII right.
I wasn't tryin' to stick you up, man!
First, I'm gonna say ''one.'' Then I'm gonna say ''two,'' then ''three.'' Then I'm gonna--
- Do it. - I can't hear you.
- I'm gonna start with one and count to three! - Okay.
Ready? One.
- Right. - Two.
- I can't hear you! You gotta be Iouder, Nick! - I said, ''two''!
- Are you on ''two'' aIready? Start from ''one''! - I'II start again.
- [ Squeaking ] - One,
- Right. - two,
- I got you. - three!
[ Screams ] Nick!
I got it! I got it!
Ha!
WeII, you go, boy! You my--
[ Screaming ]
The eIevator! The money!
[ WhistIes ]
Remind me to kick your ass Iater.
[ Tyres Screeching ]
- [ Both Laughing ] - [ CharIie ] We're rich, man!
- We are in the bigs. - CharIie, smeII that.
[ Sniffing ] Oh, yes! You, too, can be a miIIionaire!
- [ Laughing ] - Hookers!
- CharIie, CharIie, smeII this. - [ Sniffing ]
- More hookers! - Aaah!
- Hookers! - We hit the mother Iode, man!
- [ Banging ] - What the fuck is that?
- Okay. What now? - I don't know.
- What do you mean? I thought you had a pIan. - That was my pIan: to ram them.
Ram them.
- [ Banging ] - [ YeIIs ] Speed up!
- Shoot the mother-- Shoot him! - I got him! I got him!
- [ T. ] Jeez! - Aaah!
Man, I'm tired of this shit. Let's go!
[ RifIe Shot ]
CharIie! Look out, CharIie!
I'm actuaIIy grabbing a gun and going after bad guys.
You the man. [ ChuckIes ]
AII right.
- You see 'em? - No.
I'II, uh-- I'II Iet you know.
PIease do. Nick.
What? [ Laughing ]
[ CharIie ] You checkin' this shit out?
Hey, Nick, I Iike you Iike this;
you and your prom date both having weapons.
That way I don't have to kiII an unarmed coupIe. It's not my styIe.
- Put down the bag. - [ CharIie Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ] PauI Bunyan, come and take the bag.
- Let me-- - You're an idiot! Shut up!
- Shoot 'em. - [ Nick ] No, you're a fuckin' idiot!
Who are you? Crime Dog now? Are you aware there's onIy two kind of peopIe on the pIanet?
There are kiIIers, and then there's everybody eIse.
I'm a kiIIer, Nick. Yes, yes, yes, yes. What are you, Nick?
I'm married.
- [ Screams ] - Oh!
Oh, you son of a--
[ CharIie ] Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, shit!
What are you, fuckin' out of your mind?
- Fuck! - What, are you crazy?
[ Laughing ]
Huh? Who's in controI now?
Hand over the bag,
or eIse my man Nick Beam here gonna put one in your ass.
Ain't that right, Nick?
[ Squeaking ]
-[ Rig ] I'II roII over. -[ CharIie ] Okay, I see it. I see it.
Let me try to get around and get you.
- [ Rig ] No, it's not-- - [ PoIicemen Chattering ]
- [ PoIiceman ] Other end of the aIIey. - CharIie, it's the poIice.
- Oh, yes! - Thank God you're here. Oh, this nightmare's over.
- What the fuck are you doin'? - Put the gun down!
Put that gun down, you stupid pig!
- [ Both Shouting ] - Come on, man!
It's them.
Some foIks in Arizona are gonna be mighty happy to see you boys.
[ Shouting Continues ]
Officer! Officer, two other guys--
''I'm married.'' Ka-bIam!
- [ Laughing ] You're too much. - Is the money aII there?
- Looks Iike it. - Great. We have just enough time to get it back.
Excuse me?
- We have to put the money back. - [ Laughing ]
No, no.
Maybe you're a IittIe bit confused about the purpose of a robbery.
Oh, T., I didn't teII you. When we were at the hoteI, I caIIed my wife.
Everything's aII right. You see, it wasn't her.
She wasn't even there. Isn't that great?
[ ChuckIes ] It was her sister and her sister's fiancé.
I don't give a damn if it was her UncIe Fester and Gumby.
You ain't takin' this money anywhere, man.
I don't wanna hear aII that.
- Let go. Let go. - Gimme the bag. You Iet go.
- Let go of the bag. - It's not your money.
- It's not your money!
- It's not yours. It's haIf mine. - Let go!
- Let go! Let go! - You Iet go!
[ Both Grunting ]
Get back here!
[ Grunts ]
[ Groans ]
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm okay. And you?
I'II Iive.
[ Panting ] Can't Iet you take the money, Nick.
T., my Iife is in that bag.
Nick, even if you wanted to take the money back, you can't.
Your face is on the video, man.
They onIy review the tapes if something's missing.
I can go into work earIy and bring it back. No one'II know.
T.
I can get my Iife back.
Here.
You forget one thing, Nick. I get my Iife back too.
? Money don't make my worId go 'round ?
? I'm reaching out for the higher ground ?
? To a warm and peacefuI pIace ?
? I can rest my weary face ?
? Life's answers we try to find ?
? Oh, we try to find Yes, we try to find ?
? BattIing inside our minds ?
? Where do I go from here ?
? WiII aII my friends be there ?
? 'Cause we're Iiving we're Iiving ?
? In a crazy maze ?
? And we're fighting we're fighting ?
? To rise above the haze ?
? Lights at the end of the tunneI ?
? Sometimes the journey's Iong ?
? There are many theories ?
? Who's right and who's wrong ?
? Pressure's on I have to choose ?
? I've got nothing to Iose ?
? I cIose my eyes I take a chance ?
? I-I, I now dance a different dance ?
? What's the key to a happy Iife ?
? TeII me now, now, now ?
? HeaIthy mind and Iots of spice ?
? Running barefoot through the trees ??
Oh, my God!
Ow. Ouch.
What happened to you?
It's a Iong story.
- I got shot. - What?
And I-- I think I'm wanted in Arizona.
PIus, my shoes caught on fire.
You toId me you were seIIing me the top of the Iine. The top of the Iine is digitaI.
Did you seII me a digitaI? No, you did not.
So, I'm bringing it back, and I expect a fuII refund.
If you do not give me a refund, you wiII not be doing business with myseIf or my company.
Thank you.
- Hmm. - So,
did you hear?
- What? - Some, uh, vandaIs broke in over the weekend.
- What? - WeII, nothing was stoIen. They cut the--
the... thingy...
off P.B.'s statue. [ Laughing ]
Um, they're reviewing the videotape.
- Hi, everybody. How's it going? - Not now, Nick.
- Did anybody see that game Iast night? Hoo. - What game?
- Oh, that game. Overtime. - WiII you pIease shut up!
Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Oh, you pig. Oh, you pig.
- [ Nick Screaming On Tape ] - [ Gasps ]
- [ Smashing Statue On Tape ] - Oooh! Oh.
WeII, that's it. What's done is done. Listen.
- I've got this great idea for the new McGinty Cracker mascot. - Move, move! Thank you.
- This-- - Nick, shut up!
- [ Static Humming ] - [ PhiIIip ] What's happening?
- [ T. Laughing On Tape ] - WeII, what is this?
- What the heII is this? - [ Guard ] I don't know.
- [ T. Laughing On Tape ] - Somebody must've recorded over the tape.
- Who had access? - Uh... there was an eIectrician in here this morning.
What eIectrician? I did not order an eIectrician!
I did. The fIickers on the-- fIuorescent Iights were fIickering. [ Sighs ]
- I'm reaIIy sorry, sir. - This is terribIe, PhiI.
- I wouId reaIIy Iike to be aIone now. - You shouId go.
- You shouId go. You too. - I wouId Iike to be extremeIy aIone for a minute.
- I'm gonna Ieave you aIone. - Thank you very much. Thank you, Nick.
- [ T. Shouting On Tape ] - [ Crying ]
AII right now. Cut that out. Y'aII wanna eat?
- Yes. - AII right.
- Don't burn the meat. - I don't never burn the meat.
- Uh-huh. What happened the Iast time? - Hey, Dad don't burn the meat.
- I'm gonna put some-- - Joey. Tonya.
- Yeah, that's-- - Go see your mama, boy. You know.
Now this is my very speciaI mustard.
- Don't Iet nobody touch that. - Okay, Mama.
Yeah.
So, how's the eIectrician business?
[ Laughs ] Hey.
Not bad. The hours are a bitch.
I wanna thank you.
I don't know why-- I just wanna say I appreciate what you did.
WeII, don't mention it. How's that? How did you know where I was anyway?
A friend gave me a tip.
A friend, huh? [ ChuckIes ]
-You hungry? -Yes, we wouId Iove for you to join us.
WouIdn't we, Mama?
I taIked to my boss today after things settIed down.
Convinced him we need a new security system. Got any ideas?
Sure. I can heIp you pick one out.
You wanna run it? We need someone trustworthy.
I toId him I know just the guy.
WeII, I'm gonna have to think about this, Nick.
Right now, I'm weighing out severaI Iucrative offers. They roIIin' in.
A Iot of peopIe want me to work for them right now.
Now, that's just the way I Iike it.
AII I need now is some of Mama's speciaI mustard.
Stop.
- [ Nick ] What'd I do? - [ Laughing ]
[ Groans ]
[ Mama Shouting ]
- Run, run! - Stay down, Nick. Get on outta here.
[ Mama ] I'II beat you into the--
? See you when you get there ?
? Now I seen pIaces and faces of things you ain't never thought about thinkin' ?
? If you ain't peeked then you must be drinkin' and smokin' ?
? Pretendin' that you're Iocin' but you're broken Let me get you open ?
? Now, IittIe Timmy got his dipIoma and IittIe Jimmy got Iife ?
? And Tamica around the corner just took her first hit off the pipe ?
? The other homey shot the other homey and ran off with his money ?
? And when the other homeys heard about it, they thought that it was funny ?
? But who's the dummy 'cause now you done Iost a hustIer ?
? A down-ass brother done repIaced by a bustIer ?
? And though I got Iove for ya I know I can't trust ya ?
? 'Cause my crew is roIIin' numbers and your crew is roIIin' dusters ?
? And just because of that you act Iike you don't Iike a brother no more ?
? I guess that's just the way you go ?
? I ain't tryin' to preach I beIieve I can reach but your mind ain't prepared ?
? I see ya when you get there ?
? I'II see you when you get there ?
? If you ever get there ?
? See you when you get there ?
? I'II see you when you get there ?
? If you ever get there ?
? See you when you get there ?
? More temptation and faith I guess we Iivin' for today ?
? I seen a man get swept off his feet by a buII with an AK ?
? The situation's so twisted everybody gettin' Iifted ?
? I'm just tryin' to take care of my kids and handIe my business ?
? 'Cause it's way too serious so you gotta pay cIose attention ?
? So you don't get caught sIippin' when they come to do aII the gettin' ?
? Life is a big game so you gotta pIay it with the big boys ?
? Some of us gotta run a IittIe faster 'cause we gotta Iay the straw ?
? But I'd be a fooI to surrender when I know I can be a contender ?
? If everybody's ascended then everybody can be a winner ?
? No matter your rag coIour Deep down we aII brothers ?
? And we gonna set a time Somebody up there stiII Iove us ?
? I'm gonna scuffIe and struggIe with ya I'm breathIess and weak ?
? I done strived my whoIe Iife to make it to the mountain peak ?
? AIways keep reachin' Sure to grab onto somethin' ?
? I'II be there when you get there waitin' with the sounds bumpin' ?
? I'II see you when you get there ?
? If you ever get there ?
? See you when you get there ?
? I'II see you when you get there ?
? If you ever get there ?
? See you when you get there ?
? As we waIk down the road of our destiny ?
? And the time comes to choose which shaII it be ?
? The wide and crooked or the straight and narrow ?
? We got one voice to give and one Iife to Iive ?
? Stand up for somethin' or Iay down in the game ?
? Listen to the song that we sing ?
? It's up to you to make your beef ?
? I guess I'II see you when you see me ?
? I'II see you ?
? When you get there ?
? If you wanna get there ?
- ? I'II see you ? - ? I'II see you ?
- ? When you get there ? - ? When you get there ?
- ? If you wanna get there ? - ? If you reaIIy ?
- ? I'II see you ? - ? I'II see you ?
- ? When you get there ? - ? When you get there ?
- ? If you wanna get there ? - ? If you reaIIy ?
? I'II see you ?
? When you get there ??
[ Dog Barking ]